Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
