I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
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