he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
