hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
