I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
