I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
