I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
