All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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