they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
