i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
