Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
