Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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