how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
