In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
