There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so let's talk penis.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
