Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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