Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
