***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
