My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
