every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
