i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
