hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
