Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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