I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
