I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm passing your future prison.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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