Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
