Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
