so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
