dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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