You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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