Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
