I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
