i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Randomize
