dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
