So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
