i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
