You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
