thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
