i permit you to call me
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
