I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
