well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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