omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
