I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We were destined to go to rehab together
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
