sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
