Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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