I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
