I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
