genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
