Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
