I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
