Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
