I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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