It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
