Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
