you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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