areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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