Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
